He does love me

I started this blog to share our journey though life with friends and family.  It's mostly about Nathan and what he's up to, but there are times, like now, when I need to share something different... deeper... brutally honest.

Lately, our family has been walking through a few storms, and some pretty dark valleys. Through these difficult times, we cling to each other, and cling to our faith in the Lord Jesus and the promise of His love and eternal life with Him.  I must admit, I struggle to feel the Lord's love these days.  Oh, I know He loves me, and I'm certain He loves you, but it's so hard for me to feel His love for me.  To know that just as I am, I am enough and I am lovable.  

Last week was insanely difficult.  Chad was gone for 5 days and Nathan suffered greatly with RSV.  I was overwhelmed, terrified, and questioned my every move as a parent.  Many other more personal battles were also raging throughout the week.  I must admit, I asked the Lord, "Where are You in all of this?  Do you really love me?  Why don't I feel it?  Why don't I sense it?  Please Lord show me Your love for me."

That's when it happened... 

Nathan fell down an ENTIRE flight of solid wood stairs, and landed hard.  The details of how he fell aren't important (let's just say my whole family has learned this crucial lesson - the baby gate we have for my parents house MUST be up at ALL times when we visit).  What is important is that he is AMAZINGLY okay.  After being checked by a local doctor, and after having skull and leg x-rays at the ER, Nathan received the go ahead to go home.  He fell over 15 feet, and bounced down each step.  His head, shoulders, ribs, legs, and back have bruises, and for a while, his forehead had a deep indention of one of the steps in it.  Yet, amazingly, my little boy's life was spared.  He should have been seriously injured and very easily could have been killed by the fall.  He wasn't.  He didn't even suffer a concussion.

As I drove him to the ER on Friday night, I felt for the first time in a long time, the Lord's deep love for me.  He spared my little boy. He blessed me with another chance at being a mommy.  He let Nathan stay in our arms for more time.  He wrapped my baby boy in bubble wrap just as Nathan fell down those stairs.  He loved me in those moments and He loves me now.  He also loves YOU.  Look for His love, and you will feel it.  Seek Him and you shall find Him.  He is there.  He stands at the door and knocks.  Will you open it?  Will you receive His deep love?